We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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