4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
