Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
