see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
