I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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