she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
