My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
