well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
