If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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