if you like me you must not know who I am
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
