I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
