He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
