Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
