We won't sleep together?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
