Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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