he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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