You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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