just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
