in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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