I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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