my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
