i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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