So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
