Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
