If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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