We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
