Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
