He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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