I wish my penis had an off switch
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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