I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
