She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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