it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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