Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
birth control should be required to get into college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
