I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Randomize
