I will die if light touches me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
