Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
