He had one of those small greek statue penises
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
