She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
