jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
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