he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
