you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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