So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
