Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
