I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
