You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
