he thought i was a dude.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
