a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
