Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
