Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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