I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
